Flame
by KissMeDeadlyT-T
Summary: When Edward shows up at Mustang's door step at four in the morning, soaking wet and shivering in the pouring rain, the colonel immediately notices something is wrong. He takes Ed in and demands to know his story, but he finds out something more horrible than he could have imagined. Contains rape and RoyEd. ON A BEING REWRITTEN: AUTHOR'S NOTE INSIDE
1. Chapter 1

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Finally getting around to another RoyEd fic! *dances happily* It'll be another short one, because I fail at long-chapter fics, but yeah, this is one of my favourite couples so I'm pretty excited about it. (:**

**Warning: This story contains rape and slow updates due to busy author.**

**I don't own FMA because if I did, RoyEd would be canon. Since it's not, I obviously don't own it.**

***I had it pointed out to me that digital clocks didn't exist at this time- Derp! I changed them all to analog clocks. Also that ibuprofen doesn't exist yet. I didn't change that because I love typing the word ibuprofen and plus I'm too lazy to go search the history of painkillers. It's a fanfic in an alternate reality so ibuprofen is allowed to exist. c:**

**Ibuprofen ibuprofen**

**Sorry I'm done**

***note: 2013/02/18 Changes have been made to each chapter because I messed up on what time I wanted to have this fic set in. Nothing big has changed, just some minor details, such as Lust is now dead. I really needed her dead and for the fic to be further along in the original plot because otherwise I would have had way too many filler chapters. It is now set around the time after the Fifth Laboratory, just before the part where Ling fights the Fuhrer and finds out he is Wrath.***

**xxXXxxXXxx **

The sky above Central city was a black, swirling abyss of clouds and lightning and freezing rain. Little pellets of ice and sheets of water pelted the abandoned streets and clattered echoingly underneath the booming thunder. Through the frosting bay window in his dark, mostly empty living room, Roy Mustang watched the world outside howl and scream, thinking idly how appropriate this weather was for the current condition his and his friends' lives were in. Wincing slightly when wind slammed into the wall opposite him and made the house creak loudly, he pushed away from the window, walking back to his black leather chair and creaky wooden desk to finish up his paperwork.

He had only gotten out of the hospital from the injuries he'd gotten while fighting the Homunculus Lust at the Fifth Laboratory, and they were already piling paperwork on him. His seared-shut wound still hurt when he moved the wrong way, and he was exhausted, but he had no choice. He had duties to attend to if he ever wanted to make it to Fuhrer.

Tired black eyes glanced at the clock, and he groaned when the hands showed 3:54 AM, ticking and tocking over again as if just to taunt him. He was far too tired for this shit, but knew it needed to be done for tomorrow- he'd slacked off enough already.

Almost mechanically, his fingers grasped the pen he'd tossed away earlier and he began automatically signing the papers, not even paying attention to what they were about, just wanting to get them done and maybe get some sleep before he had to go in to work at one tomorrow. Or later today, he supposed, groaning again when the clock hands showed 4:05 AM.

Thunder boomed, wind howled and his house moaned, but he did his best to focus on his paperwork. When he was getting down to the last half of his stack- which meant about a hundred or so more papers after this one- he thought he heard a soft tapping near the front door. Stilling the pen, he glanced back, wondering who the hell would come so early in the morning. No one sane was up this early. Then he remembered that he was in fact up this early, and sighed. Well, it certainly _felt_ like he was going crazy.

There was no more tapping, so he turned back to his desk, supposing he'd just imagined things. Five or so papers later, he heard it again, more prominent this time, and knew he wasn't imagining it this time- there was _definitely _someone at his front door. He pushed the chair back, flinching at the loud screech it made on the wooden floor, and headed to the window. He peeked around the corner. It was too dark to make out any features, but he could see the shape of someone curled up against the screen door, one fist tapping at the glass.

The sight was slightly creepy, and the colonel felt his heartbeat pick up. Really, he couldn't blame himself- so much was happening lately that_ everything_ was making him paranoid, the littlest sounds making adrenaline pump through his veins and things in the corner of his eye making his heart skip a beat. He walked back to his desk and opened a drawer, taking out one of his gloves, and slipped it on as he headed over to the door.

_Just in case_, he told himself.

One squeaky floorboard under his feet whined, and he jumped slightly, then cursed himself for acting so damn foolish. Making sure he had a nasty glare on his face- because really, it was quarter after four in the fucking morning and he _should_ be asleep- he opened his front door.

"Finally."

As soon as he heard the familiar grumpy voice, his glare turned into something more like an annoyed scowl and he frowned. Crouching down, Roy said, "What the hell are you doing here? Do you realize what time it is?"

When he didn't get an answer, his frown deepened. "Fullmetal."

Gold eyes slowly looked up and met his, but there was something wrong. The colonel's stomach did an unpleasant twist- there was definitely something in Ed's eyes that usually wasn't there. Or rather, a lack thereof. The ever-present burning flame in those bright gold eyes was snubbed, and they looked dark, empty, hollow. For a moment, Roy was so shocked, all he could do was stare, his mind whirling. He wondered why he was having these feelings- this feeling of dread and horror, like he could tell something horrible had happened just by staring into those empty eyes for a few seconds. He wondered why it made something terrible gnaw in his gut, and why it wrenched at his heart to see Ed like this- it almost physically hurt _him_. Then he realized Ed was curled up there in the pouring rain, drenched to the bone, and hastily reached to grab his arms.

"Come on, stand up, you'll freeze to death out here."

A droplet of water slid down Ed's face, and Roy wasn't sure if it was rain or if it was something else. He decided he didn't want to know, because he didn't know if he could handle a crying Edward. Hell, he didn't know what to do- the kid had showed up on his doorstep in the ungodly hours of the morning, looking like he'd just seen hell again. He didn't have experience with this sort of thing- especially since the worry was a lot more intense than a paternal worry. His heart was pounding and his hands were shaking, and Ed hadn't even told him what was wrong yet.

"I can't," Ed whispered, so quietly Roy could barely hear it over the pouring rain.

"What?"

Ed squeezed his eyes shut and ground his teeth together, choking on a sob. "I can't _stand_, Mustang."

Immediately, Roy's eyes snapped down to the boy's leather pants, to check for a wound. There was nothing to show he'd been injured. His brow furrowed. "Why not?"

Ed's eyes met his, and they were desperate. "Help me. Just help me. Colonel— Roy, damn it. _Please._"

Fuck it. Explanations could wait. Ed was clearly horribly distraught, or else he would _never_ say please. "Alright," Roy said calmly, trying to placate the blond with a soothing voice. "Alright," he repeated, hooking his arms under Ed's shaking ones and lifting him into an upright position. Ed crumpled against him, a pained sob escaping through clenched teeth. Roy bit his lip as he helped Ed limp over to the couch, setting him gently onto the cushion. Ed's fingers dug into his arms the moment he sat down and he whimpered, flinching away. Alarmed, Roy instead helped him into a lying position before hastily kneeling beside him.

"Edward Elric, what the _fuck_ is going on?" He hadn't meant for his tone to be so sharp, but couldn't help it.

Ed covered his face with his hands, pain twisting his mouth into a heart-breaking grimace that made Roy feel slightly nauseated. Thunder cracked, and Ed flinched, sobbing. "C-cold," he said through chattering teeth.

Fuck- Ed was soaked. Growling in frustration, mostly at himself for being so scrambled, Roy said, "Come on, then, let's get you out of those clothes."

Ed's wet eyes met his again. "I don't want to get up."

"Fine, I'll carry you." With slight difficulty, Roy lifted Ed into his arms, muttering apologies when Ed would gasp in pain whenever he handled him a certain way. As he started walking up the stairs with heavy, big steps—Ed was _heavy _for such a shrimp— Ed clenched his fists into the colonel's white T-shirt, which was now drenched, hiding his face in the man's chest. His cheeks felt slightly warm, but Roy gruffly said, "You know, you're _going_ to tell me what happened."

Ed didn't say anything for a moment, and Roy was half-worried he'd passed out. Looking down, he said, "Ed?"

"Can't."

Roy narrowed his eyes. "Don't you fucking think you can show up on my doorstep this early in the morning like this and nearly give me a heart attack and probably make me grow a few gray hairs and then say you can't tell me what's going on."

Ed was trembling. It may have been from cold, but it didn't seem that way. He swallowed audibly, hiding behind his wet bangs. "I can't tell you," he whispered, voice weak. It sounded like he was about to lose it and break into tears.

"Fuck that— Look, I know I haven't been much else than an ass to you, really, but you _can_ tell me stuff— I'm here to help you, Edward. You _can _trust others, you know." By now they were at the bathroom, and Roy set the blond down onto shaky legs, holding him to make sure he didn't crumble. His eyes and voice soft, he said, "You don't have to do everything alone."

Ed shut his eyes, an expression like pain flitting over his face. "I know," he whispered. "I _know_ I can trust you, Mustang, it's just— I _can't_, I can't tell you— It's— Damn it—" His voice trembled and then broke, and suddenly, he entire body was shaking and tears were falling down his already wet cheeks.

Roy barely gave it a second thought before pulling Ed in for a hug, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close to his chest, and then Ed was sobbing, fingers clutching desperately at the back of his ruined white T-shirt. It was silent except for the howling storm outside and the heart-wrenching sounds of Ed's sobs, and Roy found himself panicking, deep down inside, because this was so _wrong_. Of course, he'd heard Ed cry before— like after Nina had been killed, and when he'd found out the secret of the Philosopher's stone—but this was different. It was like Ed was breaking.

After a while longer— minutes, hours, Roy didn't know nor care— Ed's sobs slowed and reduced to sniffles and shaky breaths, but he didn't let go of Roy, still holding onto the man tightly like it would kill him to let go. Roy was slightly surprised at this, since Ed usually made a big stink when Mustang was even _near_ him, but didn't resist. It became quiet once more, Ed just standing there and Roy's stomach churning grossly as he tried to think of what could have possibly made Ed like this.

Finally, he quietly said, "Listen, Edward, I can tell something really bad has happened. If you really don't want to tell me, then I accept that, but know that I will listen if you need me to." Ed nodded into his shirt, and Roy smiled a bit. "For now, though, you need to get out of those clothes. You're going to get sick."

Ed nodded again, pulling away with a slight flush. "Right," he muttered.

"Can you stand?"

Ed shifted a bit and then winced. He grabbed the counter. "If I lean on something."

"Good. You should shower, too— heat yourself up." Straightening up, Roy began backing away. "I'll grab you a shirt and pants, okay? They'll be a bit big, but they'll do until your clothes are dry."

Ed swallowed, mouth open like he wanted to say something. It closed, and he bit his lip, and then blurted, "Why are you doing this?"

"You showed up at my door. What was I supposed to do?"

"You— you could have told me to go home. Refused to let me in, or even just left me on the couch— I know you have more important shit to do. Why go through all this trouble?"

"Because," Roy said seriously, "I care about you, and I don't let people I care about suffer."

Ed looked like he might smile, but instead just swallowed again, and murmured, "Thanks."

"Don't worry about it."

Roy was turning to leave to let Ed shower, when a choked, "Wait, Mustang," made him pause. He looked back. Ed was a delicate pink, and he looked extremely uncertain, but that flame in his eyes was flickering to life again.

"Thank you," he said, steadily despite his sheepish appearance. "I mean it."

Roy couldn't help but smile softly. "Like I said, Edward. Don't worry about it."

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Hm, rather short, I find, but this is really just an intro to the fic. It probably won't be very long—maybe one or two more chapters.**

**Anywaayyyyy, next chapter, we get to hear what happened to Ed. I'm sure some of you can guess from the summary and warning of the fic—but who did it? If you stick around, you'll find out. :)**

**Reviews are love! If you have any complaints, let me know, and if you have praise, let me know that too! I like opinions and stuff. :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: WOW! Holy SHIT. Thank you all SO MUCH for the amazing reviews and support! This is crazy, I never expected to get so many on one chapter. Every morning when I woke up and checked my email to see so many reviews, follows and favourites, I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. Seriously, guys, thank you.**

**FMA does not belong to this awkward French girl. Kinda wish it did, though.**

*******note: 2013/02/18 Changes have been made to each chapter because I messed up on what time I wanted to have this fic set in. Nothing big has changed, just some minor details, such as Lust is now dead. I really needed her dead and for the fic to be further along in the original plot because otherwise I would have had way too many filler chapters. It is now set around the time after the Fifth Laboratory, just before the part where Ling fights the Fuhrer and finds out he is Wrath.**

**xxXXxxXXxx**

He was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands, trying not to think and drowning out any thoughts by listening to the storm outside and the steady flow of water from the shower in the next room. His mind was trying to go horrible places— had Al gotten killed, or seriously injured? Roy doubted it. If that was the case, there was no way Ed would be in this shape- he'd be ten times worse. He wouldn't even have the will to live. Maybe someone else close to him had died. Roy tossed that idea too, because he would have heard about it. Did he find out something terrible, like… Maybe there was no way to get their bodies back? No, no. That thought was so awful- the idea of the Elrics' dream being crushed, just like that- that it made his head hurt. Damn it, _what the hell had happened to Ed_?

He wanted to know, partially out of morbid curiosity—he'd admit it—but mostly out of worry. If he just _knew_, then he could _help._ Right now, he felt helpless, and there was nothing in the world he hated more than that.

The sound of Ed calling for him was a relief, an excuse to get away from the bad paths his mind was taking. He stood up, only realizing then how exhausted he was, and trudged to the bathroom. "Are you decent?" he asked when he got to the door, not wanting to walk in on Ed naked or something and cause the already stressed blond to freak out.

"I'm dressed," Ed answered, and Roy opened the door.

The blond was leaning against the sink, looking a bit more alive than he had earlier, rubbing his hair with one of the towels Roy had snuck in when Ed was in the shower. His heart squeezed and for a moment he wondered if he was a pedophile— but no, it was just Ed. There was something so wonderful and addicting about him that irrevocably drew Roy to him.

Ed looked exhausted, and still pale, but he had that flame again, even if it was a bit dulled. Internally, Roy breathed a sigh of relief.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

Ed shrugged, one shoulder rising then slumping. "Okay, I guess. I still can't really stand without it hurting, though."

The colonel's eyebrows drew together. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

Ed shrunk in on himself, suddenly looking nervous. He looked away, eyes becoming distant, and Roy began to think maybe he should stop asking and just let Ed be. Then something in the blond's eyes changed and he swallowed harshly and set his jaw, eyes becoming firm. "I think— I will. It's—It's just… you can't… Can you promise you won't tell Al?"

Roy was slightly perplexed. "I guess I can promise that. It doesn't have anything to do with him, does it?"

"No—nothing with Al." Ed looked relieved at the promise. "Listen, um—I'm sorry, but can we talk somewhere else? My legs are about to give out."

"Oh, right. Of course. Is my room okay? It's closest, and you can lie on the bed."

Ed looked at him suspiciously. "Are you inviting me to bed, Mustang?"

"Eh? Oh god—no, I was just _offering_—"

Ed's lips quirked up. "I was kidding." He laughed a bit. "Sure," he said. "That sounds good."

Roy recovered from his moment of embarrassment and nodded. "Okay." He hesitated, ignoring the prickle of relief that Ed at least had enough will to joke around. "Uh… do you want me to carry you?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "I'm fine enough to walk, Mustang, sheesh."

As Ed stepped past him—Roy tried to ignore the fact he was limping rather painfully— Roy couldn't help but smile a bit, shaking his head as he led Ed to his bedroom. This was the Ed he knew. Even though he knew something was wrong, this was definitely an improvement, and he was relieved.

He flicked on the switch and gestured wordlessly to his bed, which Ed limped over to and collapsed on with an undignified "Aaaahh" and a soft smile. "Can I go under the blankets?"

Roy chuckled and sunk into the chair next to his dresser. "Go ahead."

Ed, now cocooned under Roy's dark blue comforter—Roy tried to ignore that Ed was looking so cute in his bed, really— gave him a curious look. "Wait, aren't you going to sleep in your bed?"

Roy frowned. "I have a spare room. I don't think it would be appropriate for us to share a bed, Fullmetal."

"Don't give me that shit," Ed sighed in an almost content way, snuggling into the blankets and pillows. "Get in."

"I honestly can't believe you are telling me to get in bed with you."

Ed glared. "I can't just kick you out of your bed, Mustang."

For a long moment, Roy studied him, then said, "No."

"Fine, then, I'll feel like a jerk stealing your bed so let me take the spare room if you're gonna be all stingy about it."

"Damn it, Ed. Just stay there."

"Then get in."

"No."

"Fine, then, I'm leaving." Ed began to get out of the bed.

"Holy fuck, stay in there, you little shit," Roy said impatiently, walking over and sliding into the bed next to Ed, keeping a safe distance away. The blond had a smug look about him. "Are you happy now?"

"I wouldn't say happy, not with what happened, but…" Ed seemed like he might be smiling, but his face was hidden by the blankets. "A bit happier. Yeah."

Roy's heart felt heavy again, so he looked away, trying to ignore how he could feel Ed's body heat beside him. Like a moth to a flame, he was drawn to Ed's warmth, inside and out, and had this nearly- irresistible urge to wrap Ed up into his arms and never let go, and protect him for the rest of his life. A little voice whispered that Ed didn't need protection, but looking at the soft curve of Ed's cheek, and his damp hair sprawled messily over the pillow, soft eyelashes casting shadows over his tanned cheekbones, he ached to protect him anyway.

After a moment of them lying there in silence, he began to think Ed had fallen asleep. When he glanced over, he was startled to see the blond looking at him, studying him with something odd in his gold eyes. Roy thought his cheeks heated up a bit and hoped he was only imagining it.

"What?" he asked, making his voice sound irritated to maybe regain some sense of normality. It wasn't very helpful, since he did after all have Ed in his bed.

Ed's golden gaze wavered, and then suddenly he looked small. Smaller than usual. Like he was trying to hide, almost. He chewed on his bottom lip fiercely, and it looked to Roy like the blond didn't even notice the nervous tick.

"What?" he said again, softer this time.

Ed swallowed and shook his head. "Nothing. Never mind."

Roy gave him a look. "Don't give me that, Edward."

"Really. It's nothing."

"Tell me."

"No, bastard. Shut up."

"Fullmetal."

"Colonel."

"Pipsqueak."

Ed's eyes turned livid. "Don't call me that, you fuckin' pyro freak! _Fuck._" When Roy just smirked at him, he let out a long sigh, then seemed to deflate. "Fine. Do you really want to know?"

"Well, if you _really_ don't want to tell me…"

"No… you're right, I really want to talk to someone. I need to and I probably should, too. It's just…" Ed bit his lip again. "I'm… I'm scared, Mustang. I really… God, I can't even _explain_ it, I just—" He choked on his words then, looking to the side and squeezing his eyes shut tight as if trying to block something out. "J-just… I'll tell you, but you have to promise something."

Roy nodded. "Sure."

"What I'm going to tell you— It's bad. It's… I can't even explain it, but it's killing me, and I need to _tell_ someone. I'll admit I don't like to ask for help, but this… it's something different and I— damn it." Ed clenched his teeth, trying to hold back tears. "I _tried _to scrub it away— I thought I could make it go away with soap and water but I _can't_, I can't and it won't go _away—_" He made fists in the blankets. "I'm sorry," he whispered as one tear slid down his face. "I'm sorry."

"Take your time," Roy said softly. It was all he could do not to break into tears too— it was wrong to see someone so strong in such a weak, broken state. Especially Ed.

"You can't hate me after," he said through his teeth, looking up at Roy with huge, vulnerable gold eyes that made the colonel's stomach do really unpleasant things. "Promise you won't hate me. You'll hate me after— I _know_ it, I know you'll think I'm disgusting and you'll throw me out of your house, and I get it— I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Promise you won't hate me." His voice was high pitched and shaky, and it almost seemed like he'd forgotten Roy was there and was just rambling, voice becoming more and more hysteric. "_Promise_."

Roy was very alarmed now— Ed's eyes were huge, and he was pale and terrified as he mumbled on about how it was his fault and _god,_ Roy should kick him out of his bed right now and _how can you even look at me I'm so disgusting—!_

"Edward, hey, calm down." He tried to stay calm, tried not to let Ed see how badly _he_ was beginning to panic— he was the pillar right now, and Ed needed him to stay strong. If he crumbled, he knew Ed would too. "Calm down," he said in a soothing voice when Ed's breathing hitched and he began hyperventilating, tears beading at the corner of his squeezed shut eyes. "I won't think you're disgusting. How could you even think that?"

"Y-you'll think— I'm weak and g-gross— I _gave in ,_ oh god, I gave in and I _knew_ what was going to happen but I couldn't even make myself _fight_! He forced me. He wouldn't stop and I couldn't _take it_, I just _let him_ and now—now I can't even _look_ at myself, damn it, this is _all my fault_—"

"_Edward Elric, you shut your mouth right now._"

Ed stopped, staring with huge eyes at Roy upon hearing the man's commanding tone. Roy narrowed his eyes. "You listen to me. I will not judge you for what happened, hell I don't even know _what_ happened, but I can tell you that I will never think of you as weak or disgusting. _Never._ You are one of the strongest people I know and the most wonderful, caring person in the whole world— You can't even step on an _ant_ without regretting it, and you _always_ think of others before yourself. You gave up your fucking _arm_ for your brother. You've fought countless things most kids your age haven't even _heard_ of, and you're doing it _all_ just to get your brother's body back. You don't even think of the dangers of what you're doing— you just do it, because you think you need to. You don't consider what's best for yourself because you're too busy thinking of others. You are the furthest from weak and disgusting there is, Edward, and you'd better fucking stop saying otherwise."

Ed, who had been trembling harder and harder with every word, suddenly burst into tears, throwing his arms around Roy's neck and tackling him back into the blankets, sobbing his heart out into his neck and his entire body shaking with grief. Roy sighed, wrapping his arms around Ed's waist and rubbing his back soothingly. "What do I have to do to convince you that I will _never _think those things about you?" he murmured between Ed's cries. "We may not get along all the time, but I don't hate you. And I never will."

Ed looked up at him then, sniffling and wiping at his eyes roughly. "Really?"

"Yes, really."

For a very long moment, Ed just looked at him, and even when Roy began to start feeling like he should look away, before this went on too long to be considered appropriate between friends, he couldn't make himself stop staring back into Ed's gold eyes. Eventually, Ed's gaze wavered, and his gaze began to drop, and Roy was beginning to get rather tense, his heart up in his throat, and then—

"Kiss me."

The words were so sudden that all Roy could do was blink in surprise. Whatever had been happening between them shattered as Ed's eyes widened in horror upon realizing what he'd just said. Not quite sure he'd heard that right, Roy said, "…Excuse me?"

Ed blushed darkly. "Oh— damn, _fuck_, I didn't mean to say that."

"Did you ask… for me to kiss you?"

"N-no, I—"

"Why on earth would you want me to do that?"

Ed's mouth opened, then shut, then he swallowed hard and mumbled, "I just… thought that if you really don't think I'm— as fucked up as I am, then… you could kiss me." He seemed to become acutely aware of how he was still curled up to Roy's chest and turned even darker red, looking ready to die. He didn't stop talking, though, which Roy thought in the back of his mind was really quite a feat considering Ed looked close to passing out now. "I… I want to… I want to kiss you once before you hate me."

Roy was still completely shocked, and therefore could not form a sentence. He gaped like a fish at Ed, who was avoiding his eyes and glaring holes into the blanket next to him, trying to collect himself. He was sure he'd never wanted to do something so badly in his entire life, even though he knew it was so, so wrong, and god, Ed had _asked_ for it— He swallowed. It took a great deal of willpower for him to say, "But… Edward… I can't… I can't do that."

"You're right. It was a stupid idea." Ed, still bright red, started pulling away. "I'll just leave, and—"

"Ed, damn it— that's not what I'm saying, sit back down." Roy swallowed down the part of him that was screaming how wrong it was and instead embraced the one telling him to do what he felt was right. "Listen… I want to." When Ed just stared, mouth falling open in shock, Roy forced himself to continue, "But I can't. It's illegal. We could get into so much trouble. Yes, I _know_ it's just a kiss—but even _this_ could get me court-martialled if the wrong person saw." He gestured to how Ed was still straddling his lap and to the mismatched hands clutching his ruined shirt. "I could be arrested, and never fucking mind that you're fifteen years younger than me. I'm old enough to be your father. And I'm your commanding officer—It would look bad. Really bad. That doesn't mean I don't want to— but it does mean I _can't_."

Ed still looked like he was in shock. "You'd really kiss me?" he whispered, face dusting a light pink.

"Yeah," Roy admitted, shutting his eyes. "And fuck, I _know_ how wrong it is, and I know you know, but I want you, Ed—" He stopped himself abruptly, not wanting to dig himself into a deeper shithole than he was already in. Though judging by the look on Ed's face, he was already in too deep to get out.

He found that somehow, he didn't really care.

"Damn, Roy," the blond said in a choked voice, like he might cry again. His fingers tightened in Roy's bunched up shirt and he leaned in closer, looking desperate. "I don't care if it's wrong. I just—I want— _please _—"

Every ounce of self-restraint Roy possessed went to work at that moment. He hesitated for a moment, clearly swaying between the law and his feelings, until he finally ground out, "Ed…"

"You said you wanted to," Ed breathed, close enough that his warm breath ghosted over Roy's lips and caused shivers to shudder up his spine. "Can't we… just once? You want me to tell you what happened, and I want to forget what happened. For a little bit at least. Please." The ever-burning flame in his eyes seemed wild. "I want you to make me forget."

The underlying message of what he really wanted made the colonel's eyes darken. "Edward, I don't think–"

"Equivalent exchange, right?"

"Ed." Roy forced his voice to be hard. "That doesn't always work; we've figured that out the hard way. If the only reason you're asking for—for me to kiss you is for a distraction, then I'm going to say no."

Ed actually looked sort of angry. "You think that's the only reason?"

"That's what it sounds like," Roy responded calmly.

"You're stupid."

Roy gave him a bemused look. "How's so?"

"I'm not some fucking _whore _or something. I'm not looking for a pity fuck. Okay, yeah, I _do_ want a distraction, but you are the only person I'd ever ask for that, because you're you. I wouldn't ask like… Like, some random guy or Ling or Winry, or whatever, it's just-That is…" He muttered a few swears then, putting a hand to his forehead and turning a light shade of pink. "Listen— I like you, okay? I know it's wrong like you said, but there you have it. If I didn't, I wouldn't even _think_ of asking for you to kiss me. It's not like I want to _use_ you. I just… want you. And I want…" He seemed a bit reluctant to say this next part. "I just… I want you to help me. I think I actually _need_ you to help me. I don't feel like I can trust anyone else with this…" He laughed a bit nervously, like it would make him feel less awkward, but it just seemed to make him even more uncomfortable.

Roy was positive his jaw would have hit the floor is it wasn't attached to his face. "Say what?"

"Have you gone deaf in your old age?" Ed glared, flushing dark red. "I said I_ like_ you, bastard."

"I…was rather under the impression that you hated me, and thought I was a womanizing pervert, and a selfish asshole with a God complex that doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit himself."

Ed's lips quirked up a bit. "Well, yeah. I do think that."

This was a whole lot to digest in one sitting. Roy remained silent for a moment, trying to wrap his head around this whole situation. Mostly, he failed. He finally let out a shaky breath, knowing full well how wrong it was but unable to deny it anymore. He could always lie to himself and pretend he was just doing this because Ed, despite his personality, had admitted he wanted help. He really did suck at lying to himself, though.

"Fine," he said, praying to whatever god there might be that this didn't bite him in the ass later. "But the deal is you have to tell me first."

"Why?"

"What's the point of making you forget now if you have to think of it again right after?"

Ed considered this. "I guess you're right," he said reluctantly, rolling off of Roy's body and lying next to him. "Fine. I'll tell you, but you have to promise—"

"I promise I'll make you forget, Edward. I'll prove you're being ridiculous and that I will never see you as anything but perfect, and I'll help you pretend nothing else exists for a little bit."

Ed shut his eyes, a small smile curling his lips and his cheeks flushing delightedly. "Okay," he said, voice shaking with a mixture of excitement and nervousness. "Well… get comfortable, then. I don't… I don't know if I'll be able to say everything without throwing up, or something, but… I'm going to try."

"Just do your best. I'm not going anywhere, so don't rush it, okay?"

Ed smiled again. "Okay."

They settled down, and Ed curled up to Roy's side, making a brief smile pass over the colonel's face. After a moment in which they just lay there, breathing, Ed took a deep breath.

"Envy."

Roy's eyebrows furrowed. "Envy? That little shit? He's the one that looks like a palm tree, right?"

"Yeah, him." Ed's laugh seemed forced, and he looked pale.

"Listen," Roy started, "don't force yourself—"

"No. I want to tell you." Ed let out a long breath. "Sorry, I'm just—"

"I said before, it's fine. Take your time." Roy thanked whoever was listening that he was born a patient man. Ed looked truly grateful and relieved that he wasn't under any sort of pressure.

"Okay. Okay. I'll just come out and say it. Okay?""

Unable to help his faint smile, Roy said, "Okay."

Ed gave him back a watery smile, but it faded to a grimace and he bit his lip. He looked like he might be sick, but still he forged on. "He… ra— he r—" He seemed unable to get the word out, and clenched his fists, eyes mashing shut. "He… me. He did… I can still feel… inside me—" Squirming like he was trying to get away from something, he muttered something so quietly Roy couldn't hear.

But he had a really bad feeling. It was worse now. "Ed… Please tell me he didn't do what I'm thinking he did…"

"He forced me. To do—that. You know." Ed clenched the sheets in between his fingers. "He forced me to give him the only thing I had that was still _mine_."

Roy felt rather nauseous too now. "Edward—"

"You know what he did?" Ed asked in a small voice. "Or do I have to tell you?"

"I think—I mean, I'm pretty sure I figured it out, but god, _Edward_, please tell me I'm wrong. I'm wrong right?"

"I don't know."

"He didn't…" God, he didn't want to say it so bluntly but it was such an awful subject that he couldn't think of a less harsh way to say it. "You know… Did he rape you, Ed?"

Roy's blood ran cold when Ed let out a pained sob and buried his face in his shoulder. He could feel hot tears staining his shirt, his stomach churning as it fully hit him. _Ed. _Oh my God, _Edward_. Everything made sense— why Ed couldn't walk right, why he was so unstable tonight, why he was _terrified_ of his own _shadow_. Unable to say anything, throat closed up in horror, he looked down at Ed. The blond was biting his lip again, looking off into the distance with wet eyes at something Roy couldn't see but seemed to absolutely disturb him. "He raped me," he said, voice rough and exhausted against his superior's shoulder. "And I broke. I gave in."

"Fuck—_Edward_—"

Ed chuckled, but it was an empty sound devoid of anything humorous. "Just listen. I'll tell you. It's not pretty, but… I'm going to tell you everything."

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Next chapter is a flashback, guys, and no, it doesn't contain the rape scene **_**yet**_**. There will be two flashback chapters. **

**If anyone has a problem with how I chose Envy, well, that sucks because really I'm not a big fan of him and plus he's the one that makes the most sense for the scene I wrote. In my mind anyway... I hope things get explained well enough next chapter so that it makes sense and that Envy didn't just say "Eyyo Ed imma tap yo ass" without reason.**

**Fuck rape is so horrible. I have a friend who was raped, I won't mention any names obviously, but she is still scarred emotionally and it happened over three years ago. I mean, fuck… I can honestly say I wouldn't wish rape on my worst enemy. :/**

**Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Thanks for the reviews again, guys. They really make me want to write more and make me feel a lot better about myself! (:**

**This is only part one of the flashback, the part that introduces you to what makes Envy hurt Ed. Next chapter will be the actual rape scene.**

***note: 2013/02/18 Changes have been made to each chapter because I messed up on what time I wanted to have this fic set in. Nothing big has changed, just some minor details, such as Lust is now dead. I really needed her dead and for the fic to be further along in the original plot because otherwise I would have had way too many filler chapters. It is now set around the time after the Fifth Laboratory, just before the part where Ling fights the Fuhrer and finds out he is Wrath.**

**xxXXxxXXxx**

In the near distance, dark gray clouds rumbled, and Central city seemed to hold its breath as the storm rapidly approached. The streets were mostly empty at this early hour in the morning, aside from the occasional passer-by or soldier patrolling the damp roads, flashlights cutting eerily through the mist that had fallen over the city. One shouted at him that kids his age should be in bed as he ran by, but the golden boy ignored it.

His breathing was harsh and his braid whipped back and forth as he ran down the empty streets, gold eyes focused on the big white fortress at the center of the city. The muscles in his right leg protested and his other, metal leg felt as heavy as lead. His lungs screamed at him to stop, but Edward Elric didn't plan on doing that until he reached his destination, which would be the familiar office and the man sitting at the end in his leather chair and mahogany desk. Ed needed to find him. _Needed to_. There was no one else in the military he could trust, and he had to do something about what he overheard. His heart pounding, the scene replayed in his mind.

_He'd heard some rumours about odd goings-on and suspicious peoples near an abandoned warehouse on the Western side of town. The building had been damaged greatly by an explosion years ago, a great tragedy that had taken the lives of over ten workers, and over the decade had become home to various wildlife, including dangerous animals like wolverines and bears and tangled weeds. The people avoided it, but no one took any actions to have it torn down. Despite its run-down and mouldy appearance, and the big black gash on the left side of the roof and wall, the building remained standing and was an eyesore to anyone who was unlucky enough to walk past it._

_Even though Alphonse wasn't with him, Ed decided to go and check it out. He'd do almost anything for a lead these days, and even this was worth looking into. He didn't have high expectations— what he had expected was maybe a group of kids causing trouble and using the dangerous area as a new hang out area, or maybe even some thugs smuggling illicit drugs, or maybe a hideout for one of the various crooks around town. Ed had felt confident enough that with his training and alchemical skills, he could take them— and, after all, he was a part of the military. Alchemists work for the people, was the slogan, and Ed planned on following it._

_What he _hadn't_ been expecting, though, was to see a familiar group— the duo of Homunculi that had been the main source of his problems lately. There was Gluttony, chewing on his thumb and rubbing his stomach hungrily. He seemed to be crying about Lust, and Ed felt a surge of victory remembering when Al had told him how the colonel had fried her in the Fifth Laboratory. His happiness was cut short and his stomach twisted unpleasantly when he heard Envy let out a short bark of laughter. He didn't seem to be too terribly upset about the recent loss of their little group, but Ed wasn't surprised- the Homunculi lacked emotions, but Envy seemed to be particularly inhuman in that sense._

_Although Ed would never openly admit it, he _was_ scared of these two— specifically Envy, because that bastard could change into anyone he wanted and make even the strongest of men break by showing himself as someone that man loved and torturing him with that person's body, making the man believe to be betrayed and cause him to die in emotional agony. The times Envy cornered him alone— there hadn't been many, but the few times it had happened— Ed could only remember his heart thumping painfully quick and adrenaline rushing through his veins and he fought and fought because the thought of Envy turning into someone he cared about was too hard to think about._

_He knew, of course, that it wasn't actually _them_, but the sick, twisted being that was Envy, but it didn't matter. In that instance, Envy was right. Humans really were pathetically weak._

_And then there was the way the Jealous looked at him, sometimes— With this smug expression and nasty smirk that practically screamed "I'm better than you! You're disgusting and weak and I'm great and strong." It made Ed want to crawl out of his skin._

_Edward crouched behind a crate, grimacing when a large centipede slithered out from under it and disappeared into the shadows. Absently thankful at the moment for his small size, Ed listened, straining to hear their words over the wind howling outside. It seemed the storm was upon them._

_Mostly, they talked about things already knew— Their precious human sacrifices, Father, their plan, and a vicious "We'll have to do something about that troublesome Fullmetal brat and his brother, and the damned Flame colonel— They can't keep going on like they are. They'll ruin everything!" on Envy's part, along with a few other things Ed had heard of but still wasn't sure on what they meant. It was mostly Envy talking- every once in a while, Gluttony would say something, but his words were so warped with what Ed would say was tears if Gluttony was capable of them that it was hard to make out what he was saying. He wanted to confront them, to demand them to tell him everything, but he knew he couldn't handle them all at once. He was brave, brash, childish, some would say, but he wasn't stupid._

_He was beginning to sneak away, with the intent of reporting their whereabouts to one of the only people he knew he could trust—the damned Flame colonel himself._

_That was when he heard the words, "So our attack on Xenotime begins some time next week, I think," come from Envy's raspy voice. "With Lust gone and Wrath being caught up in work, a new Philosopher's stone would be a huge advantage. I think there are enough people in Xenotime to make at least a shabby stone, don't you agree?"_

_"Oooh, yes," Gluttony agreed, simple-minded as ever. "Can I eat them, Envy?"_

_"No, you idiot! They're ingredients."_

_"Not even some? Please? I'm hungry!"_

_Envy made a sound of annoyance and impatiently explained to Gluttony why he could not, but Ed wasn't listening anymore. His blood ran cold. They were planning on making another whole city into a Philosopher's stone? Xenotime? Ed knew that city. There were people there that he knew, that he cared about— he had to do something! Anger bubbling up inside of him, Ed crouched again, listening hard._

_The wind outside was too much, and Ed couldn't make out any more words. He didn't need to, though— he knew what was happening, and knew he needed to do something about it _now._ Again, a part of him wanted to burst in and demand answers, but the more rational part of him told him to get on his feet and run._

_Ed didn't know if they'd seen or heard him but didn't look to see as he sprinted out into the howling wind, boots slapping hard against the sidewalk as he ran as fast as he could to the command in the centre of town. This was bad, so so bad— If he didn't relay the information in time, Xenotime would be destroyed and the Homunculi would gain even more power. He didn't know who this Wrath that Envy mentioned was, but it sounded like there were more Homunculi than he thought. Although he knew he couldn't trust the government, he knew there were some people affiliated with it he _could_ trust._

_Commanding officer Colonel Roy Mustang in mind, Ed didn't look back._

Ed had to stop for air, his hands falling onto his knees as he bent over and tried to force the missing oxygen into his burning lungs. The wind whipped at his red coat, making it flap about his legs. He looked up at the sky— the clouds were rolling in quick, and he knew he didn't have long before it started to pour. He didn't know how long he'd been kneeling behind that crate eavesdropping. He squinted through the biting wind at the huge clock tower on Central command and it read quarter after one in the morning.

He muttered a curse to himself. The lazy bastard wouldn't be at work at this time, no, Edward was positive he'd be at home, sleeping or not. After he regained his breath, he began jogging down the residential street, remembering vaguely this shortcut he'd seen once that went through a small section of forest and an alley or two that led to a couple houses down from where the colonel lived. In the back of his mind, he was annoyed at himself for remembering where Mustang lived, but mostly he was grateful for his semi-crush and friendship with the man since it made him able to remember how to get there fast.

He turned down the path and into the woods, trying not to trip over raised roots and twigs as he pushed through the dark forest. He was nearing the exit when he thought he heard a twig crack behind him. Heart jumping, he whirled around, but nothing was there. He turned forward again. _Stop being paranoid, idiot_, he told himself irritably. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling of unease. Like he was being watched. Nervously, he began to run a bit quicker, ignoring the protests his lungs and sore muscles made.

Out of the forest now, he flinched when he felt something wet falling onto his face. Great. It had started to rain, too. Ed grumbled under his breath, idly cursing Mustang for living so damn out of the way. Then he heard something again, something that wasn't the sound of his heart beating or harsh panting or the rain pattering down on the cracked gravel. He clapped his hands together and spun, transmuting his metal arm into a sharp blade, heart racing.

"Who's there?" he yelled. He heard a chuckle and immediately whirled to try and find the source. For a long moment, he stood there, looking in circles as that taunting snicker echoed around him. He started to get impatient. "I know you're there, damn it!" he shouted angrily. "Stop fucking with me."

"Now, now, pipsqueak. No wonder your mouth has such a bad reputation, if that's the way you speak to strangers."

Ed let out a derisive snort. "Well, here's the thing. You're some fucking creep following me. If you think I'm gonna be all nice to you, you're pretty fucking wrong." He heard that chuckle again, and his stomach twisted with anger and dread when he finally recognized who it was. _I should have known. Shit, I'm in trouble now… _He turned to the voice, glaring. "Especially you, damn Homunculus."

Purple eyes smirked at him from the shadows as Envy shrugged in a 'what can you do' sort of way. "Aw, have a heart, pipsqueak. It's not like I _chose _to be born like this. I _am_ trying to become human, you know."

"Yeah," Ed snapped. "By doing things against human morality. That makes a whole fuckload of sense, Envy."

Envy stepped out of the shadows, and Ed felt the ball of dread expand throughout his whole body. He wouldn't let it show— of course not— but he was beginning to panic, just a bit. He was alone in a dark, abandoned alley, soaking wet and exhausted and aching, with a Homunculus who could become bigger than the buildings looming over them and change into a killing machine at whim. Ed was a tired, delicate human, and Envy was a being that never needed sleep and couldn't be killed by a blast from a tank. Ed had his alchemy and knew he could put up a damn good fight, but he was tired and knew he wouldn't be able to win against Envy right now. If it came down to it, this could very well be his last fight.

No. He couldn't think like that. What would happen to Al if he just died?

He couldn't get killed anyway! Envy wasn't allowed to kill him!

But... injuries _were_ a definite possibility. Serious injuries.

Ed's eyes flicked down the alley, mind hurriedly trying to determine how long it would take to get back out on the street and find Mustang and at least have some form of backup, even if he would probably have to listen to the colonel bitch for dragging him out so late at night. Inside, he cursed himself for being stupid enough to go spy on the Homunculi without Al there. He should have waited for him to return from Risembool!

Before Envy could notice what he was sort of attempting to plan, he glared back at the Homunculus. Envy smirked at him again.

"Relax. I just want to talk."

"You and I both know that's a lie." Ed narrowed his eyes.

Envy's smirk faded. "Not entirely," he said in a menacing way. "I _am_ here to talk. If you don't co-operate, though, I won't be quite so friendly."

"Well, neither will I." Ed responded with equal hostility. "What the hell do you want?"

The nasty smirk was back again, and it made Ed's skin crawl because it was different this time— Envy obviously had a different intent than what he was saying. Probably some sort of sadistic torture in mind for him, should he resist. Ed's mind whirled as he tried to think of an escape or counterattack that he could actually pull off in his exhausted state, because he knew he _would_ resist, no matter what Envy asked of him.

"How much did you overhear?"

Envy's calmly asked question made Ed snap out of his thoughts. He would have been startled, but knew it was really no surprise that he'd been noticed, especially with Gluttony there. Still, he did his best to seem like he had no clue what Envy was going on about. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid, pipsqueak, it doesn't suit you."

"Fine." Ed frowned. "I didn't overhear that much," he fibbed. "Just things about your stupid human sacrifices and everything I already knew about."

"That's all you heard," Envy said in a flat voice.

"Yes," Ed said steadily. "Nothing else."

Suddenly, Envy flew forward until he was barely an inch away from Ed, who blinked in surprise. "Liar."

Ed recovered from his shock and stumbled back, barely blocking himself from Envy's heavy punch aimed at his face. "What the hell?" he demanded, pointing his blade arm at Envy. "Why the hell did you do that? I thought you just wanted to talk, bastard!"

"You're not co-operating."

"Yes I am!"

"No, you're lying." Envy changed one of his arms into a rope-like thing that made Ed furrow his brow in nervousness and confusion. What use would Envy have for a rope in a fight? He had a bad feeling about this. A really, really bad one. His stomach churned unpleasantly.

"Why didn't you guys just attack me while I was there?" he demanded, trying for a distraction. "Why wait?"

"Because," Envy said, stepping forward as he changed his other arm into something like a katana. "I wanted to deal with you _alone_."

"Alone? Why?"

"I'm not stupid. I know you overheard about our plan for Xenotime. You need to be taught a lesson, Fullmetal brat," Envy said dangerously, face twisting into a horrible, cruel smirk that made alarms go off in Ed's head. "We can't have you sticking your nose in all the time."

"Yeah?" Ed challenged, trying not to let his voice wobble as he stepped back some more. "It's not like you can kill me, and if you don't, then I _won't_ stop sticking my nose in."

"You're right. I can't kill you." Envy kept getting closer, eyes narrowed with sadistic glee. "But I _can_ beat you into submission. I can break you, Edward Elric, and make you lose any will to go on that you have."

Ed snarled, temper spiking. "I'd like to see you _try_."

Envy lunged, and Ed barely had time to duck before the arm-katana sliced right where his head would have been. He fell back and caught himself on his palms, aiming his feet to Envy's jaw where he landed a solid kick before flipping himself back to a standing position, a feral grin splitting his face when he heard Envy's shout of pain. Envy wiped the blood from his split bottom lip, face twisting with fury, and avoided Ed's stab at his unguarded side, managing to grab the blond's flesh arm and twist it behind his back. Ed let out a strangled sound of pain and aimed a kick back, but Envy wouldn't have it. He twisted Ed's arm even more until it was nearly out of its shoulder socket and roughly slammed the boy to the wall, pressing him there so that he couldn't move.

Ed's heart was racing and he cursed himself for being so exhausted and slow. He could have put up a better fight, he _knew _he could have, but he was so _tired_ and even the adrenaline pumping in his veins wasn't enough against a Homunculus. Growling, he spat, "Let _go_ of me, you dirty fucking—"

Envy pressed him even harder to the wall, until he was so squished it hurt and actually brought furious tears to his eyes. Ed kept struggling, real fear starting to settle in. He was losing. What was Envy going to do?

He felt something slither around his hips and jolted, heart skipping a beat. "What are you doing?"

Envy's voice was a soft purr. "I told you, pipsqueak." His arm-rope tightened around Ed's waist and then Ed felt tugging on his arms. He resisted, attempting again to throw a punch or a kick back at Envy, but found his arms bound to his sides in one painful tug. Panic clogged his throat. He couldn't transmute like this. He couldn't _fight_ like this. He was utterly helpless like this.

"I'm going to break you."

Ed lost it. He kicked and wriggled and did his best to do _something_, to somehow make Envy let _go_, furious curses flying out of his mouth and adrenaline making his heart pound faster than ever. Envy barely seemed to notice, and ignored Ed's struggles with a vague irritation until Ed was completely bound by his arm rope and couldn't move his arms at all. They were bound almost painfully to his sides. He tried to jerk his right arm, which was still a knife, and cut Envy bad enough that the Homunculus would let him go out of pain, but he couldn't even do that. He shut his eyes for a moment, trying to calm down. He could feel Envy's breath on the back of his neck. It didn't help.

"And how are you going to do that?" Ed ground out, trying not to let his voice shake. If it did, he hoped Envy thought it was out of anger and not fear. Truthfully, it was a mix of the both, but Ed didn't want him to know that. He kept talking, if only to distract himself from the situation that he could see no way out of. "Are you gonna beat me and leave me to bleed out in the alley and come and get me just before I die? Or are you just going to strangle me?"

"Oh, Ed, sometimes you're funny." Envy let out a slightly-insane sounding laugh. "I'm not going to be _that_ nice." Ed gulped when he felt the tip of the arm-rope brush against the inside of his thigh. "I'm going to completely take away your free will. I'm going to scar you so bad that all you'll ever think about is how weak you are, how utterly helpless you were. I'm going to hurt you in the most intimate way possible." Envy's voice was a low whisper in his ear, and Ed squeezed his eyes shut, shudders of dread tearing up his spine. He was shaking. He didn't want to keep listening. "I'm going to fuck you, Edward Elric, and even when you scream for mercy, I won't stop. I'll make you beg. I'll make you realize how pathetic and weak you really are."

Ed felt something wet on his face, and it wasn't cold, like the rain. Voice strangled, he whispered, "You're bluffing." He bordered on hysterical. "You're _bluffing_. You wouldn't—"

Envy's lips curled up into a horrible smile. "Watch me."

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: O_O I'm so scared of Envy in this fic, holy crap. Sorry guys, I'm getting a little creepy with this fic. I hope I don't frighten anyone off. God, I'm frightening **_**myself**_** off.**

***does a little shiver thingie and runs away to eat chocolate to distract herself***

**FUCK YOU ENVY, I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY.**


	4. RAPE CHAP GUYS DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: GUYS JUST A WARNING. THIS IS RAPE. Like the whole chapter. It's short but it's still rape and I'd feel better if people who aren't like… mature don't read it. SERIOUSLY. Like it isn't really graphic or anything… but still… :/ And Envy… well near the end he does something that I personally wanted to shoot myself in the face for making him do. ;_; I hate Envy. Sorry.**

*******note: 2013/02/18 Changes have been made to each chapter because I messed up on what time I wanted to have this fic set in. Nothing big has changed, just some minor details, such as Lust is now dead. I really needed her dead and for the fic to be further along in the original plot because otherwise I would have had way too many filler chapters. It is now set around the time after the Fifth Laboratory, just before the part where Ling fights the Fuhrer and finds out he is Wrath.**

**xxXXxxXXxx**

_I'm going to completely take away your free will. I'm going to scar you so bad that all you'll ever think about is how weak you are, how utterly helpless you were. I'm going to hurt you in the most intimate way possible. I'm going to fuck you, Edward Elric, and even when you scream for mercy, I won't stop. I'll make you beg. I'll make you realize how pathetic and weak you really are._

**xxXXxxXXxx**

Ed was cold. So, so cold.

Inside and out.

He wanted it to stop.

But he couldn't do _anything_. He couldn't even move.

His back throbbed with pain from when he'd been brutally shoved onto the ground, and his flesh limbs had become numb from the freezing rain that drenched his torn clothes and soaked his entire body to the bone. He wanted to scream, not for help, not out of pain, but out of desperation and frustration at how utterly _hopeless_ he was.

"Open your eyes," he heard that velvet voice purr into his ear.

"_Fuck _you."

Envy just laughed as if he thought Ed's small will to fight was cute.

A shudder of repulsion ripped up Ed's spine and he gagged, turning his head to the side as stomach acid burned up his throat. He retched, but didn't vomit, and tears stung at the corner of his squeezed-shut eyes. He hated this. He hated Envy. He hated _himself_ for being so weak. He just wanted this to be over.

He didn't do what he was told, some part of him still too stubborn to give in, and felt Envy's sharp nails dig painfully into the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. "I said _open your eyes._" A whimper of pain clawed its way up Ed's throat, but he forced it down, gagging again. This was disgusting. This was _wrong._ He didn't want this with someone he hated. He'd always wanted his first time to be with the person he was going to spend forever with— not the inhuman creature he hated more than anything in the world. He didn't want to be filthy— he didn't want Envy to take the only thing he had that still belonged to him.

He didn't want Envy to take away his purity.

"Y-you fucking bastard… _Stop_," he ground out, nausea sweeping over him when he felt Envy's hand touch his most private area. He tried in vain to squeeze his thighs together, but Envy's rope-arm tightened around his calves and yanked them further apart until Ed was nearly at his flexibility's limit and one traitorous tear of pain slid down his soaked face. It felt like his muscles would rip. He tried to focus on the rumbling thunder, the splashing of the rain, _anything_ so that he didn't have to feel Envy's hand touching him, and hear his growling voice say again, "Open them. Look at me. I want to see how they look when you give in."

But Ed wouldn't. He refused. Biting his lips together, he quickly shook his head, small whimpers and unsaid pleas to stop sounding low in his throat. Envy was obviously trying to do something to get Ed hard— but he couldn't get it up if he _wanted_ to. This was too wrong. Too personal and too invading.

_His fingers are in me. _Ed used all of the strength in his thighs to kick at Envy, who was looming over him. "Get the fuck _off_, you piece of shit!"

Envy seemed to give up on that, and let out an impatient growl. "You're a stubborn little thing."

Ed managed to shoot him a pained, twisted grin despite everything. "It's a curse," he said, his voice weak and rough from the painful lump of repressed tears in his throat.

He was hoping maybe Envy would realize this was a ridiculous idea— that Ed would never want it and would never beg for it. Eyes still clenched shut, he tried to focus on the rain on his face, and how cold he was, and not on the tentacle-like arm binding his arms to his sides and keeping his legs pried open. He wanted to throw up. _Fuck_.

Instead, Envy let out a low laugh that made the hairs on the back of Ed's neck stand up, and then he felt that _hand_ on his leg again, pulling them even further apart. When his muscles protested, Ed's eyes involuntarily flew open and he gasped, "Envy, don't—!" He saw the grin split Envy's face and his stomach twisted.

"You finally opened your eyes. Good."

Ed wanted to say something back, but he couldn't, not when his brain was frozen in fear. He saw Envy change his hand into a sharp, long shape again and the ball of dread in his chest expanded until his entire body was shaking, but not from the cold. He began shaking his head quickly, heart hammering in fear.

_Please tell me he's not going to do—_

"Envy, what—"

"You'll see, pipsqueak."

Ed squeezed his eyes shut in awful anticipation and ground out, "I'm going to fucking _kill_ you."

"Aw, how cute. Throwing death threats at me like that when you can't even manage to push me away." Envy's voice was a mocking coo again. "Well, I don't plan on dying today, actually, but I _do_ plan on this~"

Then the knife prodded painfully at his entrance and Ed let out a cry of pain, more tears falling down his face. "_Don't_!" he whimpered, body cringing away from the pain. He could feel wet warmth leaking down his legs now, and it stung bad enough that he really did throw up, spitting up stomach acid to the side. Envy didn't listen and just grinned widely, pressing it in just the slightest bit, something expectant in his purple eyes. Ed convulsed again as he felt his insides get cut. He had to bite his tongue to repress a scream, and tasted something metallic in his throat. He choked on a sob.

"Please," he whispered, hating himself. He shut his eyes again, panting and soaking wet and _cold_. Envy teasingly slid the sharp edge across his entrance, again, and he swallowed down another cry. He felt something shatter inside. In the back of his mind, he supposed it was any sense of pride and stubbornness that he still had. He thought to himself that he should keep resisting, but what could he do? He was trapped. Completely and utterly trapped, with no way out, no one to save him, and no way to save _himself._

He knew this would only get worse unless he gave in. And so, choking on nausea and self-hate, he did.

"What was that, pipsqueak? I didn't quite catch it."

Envy's voice had a smug, victorious ring to it, but Ed didn't care. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted this over with. "_Please,_" he choked out. "_Please,_ if you have to do it—don't use that. I'll— I'll do whatever you want, just _please._" Tears poured down his face. He felt sick. Maybe Envy was right. Maybe he really was weak and pathetic.

Envy's grin widened even more until it was almost animalistic. "Well, since you asked so _nicely_, I suppose it wouldn't be _too _much trouble."

Ed let himself go numb. Maybe that way, it would be over sooner. Thunder rumbled overhead and a hard wave of ice rain pattered on his face, and he just let it. He didn't even try to struggle anymore. At least Envy's hand was a hand again and there were no knives being shoved inside him. He lay there, focusing on the storm around him and just let himself go. Maybe this would make it better, if he just pretended it wasn't happening. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Maybe—

And then he felt something much bigger and wider than a knife shove into him without warning and his mind turned blank. Eyes rolling back, a raw scream tore its way out of his throat because he was _ripping_, tearing _in half_ and _fuck_ he had never experienced something so _painful _in his _life._ Not even seeing the Truth was like this— this was way too intimate, too _personal_ because it was taking away his _purity._ His fingers scrambled for something to hold onto to anchor himself to this world and found nothing but air, and curled in on themselves painfully until he felt his palm slice open and his automail fingers pop out of place.

He could feel something warm dripping down his legs, again, and in a much larger quantity— he was torn. He was so _torn open_ inside and out that he couldn't even _feel_ the pain anymore because it was so intense it just felt like a white-hot never-ending burn. He _felt_ more than heard Envy's throaty chuckle against the hollow of his throat, and cried out again when Envy roughly rammed into his virgin hole again— tearing Ed's insides even more. His eyes rolled back again and this time, he didn't try to stop himself from crying and screaming and he was ripping and _dying_ but Envy didn't stop, he just kept going and going and it _hurt so bad,_ Ed couldn't even _think anymore—_

Something inside of him snapped, and he let out a desperate whimper. "Envy, Envy, _please—"_

"Please what, pipsqueak?" Envy's voice sounded breathless, like the thrill of making Ed lose his mind to pain was too much pleasure for him to handle. Ed wanted to throw up again, but he couldn't even do that anymore. All he could do was retch up dry air.

Each thrust made Ed slide further up the gravel, and he guessed that he would have all sorts of bruised muscles and cuts all over his back when this was over and if it wasn't raining then his coat would be a _mess_. He couldn't even bring himself to care.

"_Stop_," he whispered. _Begged._ "Stop, p-please, just—It _hurts—_" And then Envy somehow hit this spot inside of him that made unwanted pleasure rip through him, and a choked moan escaped him. "No," he hissed, trying to get away from the feeling. It felt good, but it was _disgusting—_ His body was betraying him, he didn't _want it_ to feel like this at all. He didn't want any form of pleasure from Envy. It felt like he was giving in, in an entirely different way than he had given in before.

"Good boy," Envy purred in delight when Ed let out a cross between a gag and a groan. "It feels good, doesn't it?"

Ed shook his head, breath hitching when he hit that spot again. This was the worst thing, he thought— the fact that he couldn't control his body's reactions to its stimulations. His heart, mind, and soul were disgusted, repulsed, but his _damn_ body was reacting. _And he couldn't do anything about it._ He still couldn't get it up though. It was too horrible. The pleasure wasn't even really pleasure— it was revolting pain that just tickled at his insides.

"S-stop," he stuttered again, arching involuntarily.

"What's the matter?" Envy asked in a false pout, like he truly cared. Ed glared at him through wet, tear-soaked slits of eyes, and saw that familiar glow of Envy transforming. His blood ran cold when the smirking face of Roy Mustang leered down at him. But it was wrong. So wrong. Mustang would never— Ed's breath hitched and he squeezed his eyes shut, frantically shaking his head. Envy laughed, and Ed wanted to cry— how could he use _Roy Mustang_?

"What, this isn't better?"

And it was Mustang's voice— oh fuck, _fuck_ this was so _wrong._ How did Envy even know who he loved? How could he be this _inhuman?_ Using the person Ed was in love with to _rape _him like this— _No, no, no no no—!_

Ed was crying openly now, begging for Envy to stop. "Please, please, not him, Envy, _please!" _His voice was desperate and bordering on hysteria. Was it possible to lose his mind from this?

"H-How— how do you know?" he whispered through tears. "That I—"

"Please, Ed, give me some credit." Ed tried to ignore that it was Mustang's voice— he thought maybe it should soothe him, having such a familiar voice to help him through this, but it was just too wrong. The colonel would never do this and having his voice saying these things— it made Ed sick, made him want to _kill_ Envy for degrading Mustang like this. "I've been around much longer than you, and I know how to recognize signs of _love_." The last word was sneered. "Disgusting. As if the flame colonel would ever want someone like you. Pathetic."

Ed gave up, then. Not because of what Envy said or because of the voice. Just because it was too much. He couldn't deal with it anymore.

He squeezed his eyes shut until he saw fireworks and could feel his pulse throbbing in his head. The burning pain, the terror, the disgust, everything— he let it consume him, and fell into it, until he wasn't there anymore. There was no Edward Elric. At that moment, there was just Envy's toy.

And he didn't care. He couldn't make himself care. It was too much.

He kept falling and falling into the darkness and eventually, everything turned black.

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: That was… short. And it sucked. Oh my. **

**I have never written rape before. I am never writing it again. I can't do it. ;_; *curls into a ball in the corner and hugs Ed and cries***

**ED, I'M SO SORRY! OH MY FUCK! I LOVE YOU!**

**;_;**


	5. Chapter 5

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Wow… no one hated on me for that rape scene! And it was **_**good**_**? Oh my. Maybe I should start feeling better about myself… Well, thanks guys. I'm glad you all found it emotional and found Ed's pain to be palpable. *hugs***

**:) I never thought so many people would like this fic! My RoyEd fics seem really popular. Maybe that's because they are my OTP and I write them with the most love and passion and such rainbow sparkly shit. :D**

***note: 2013/02/18 Changes have been made to each chapter because I messed up on what time I wanted to have this fic set in. Nothing big has changed, just some minor details, such as Lust is now dead. I really needed her dead and for the fic to be further along in the original plot because otherwise I would have had way too many filler chapters. It is now set around the time after the Fifth Laboratory, just before the part where Ling fights the Fuhrer and finds out he is Wrath.**

**xxXXxxXXxx**

For a long while after Ed was done telling his grim story, Roy couldn't even speak. He was so furious and appalled and horrified and troubled that he couldn't even come up with a single sentence to say. He didn't think he had ever been so upset in his life— it wasn't just that Envy _raped_ Ed, it was how torturously and horribly he'd done so. Roy tried to speak. Tried to tell Ed everything was okay. But he couldn't speak past the painful lump in his throat, and how could he say that everything was okay when it so clearly _wasn't?_

Ed was curled up silently next to him. Somewhere along the lines of his slightly nauseating story, he'd ended up pressed against Roy's chest and shaking in his arms. Roy still felt the wetness on his shirt from when Ed had cried. Without thinking about it, he tightened his arms around Ed's small body and held him tight, like he could hug the memory away. Ed looked up at him with wet eyes and the look on his face was so concerned that Roy felt his heart squeeze. How could Ed be worried about _him_ after what had just happened?

_Fuck_. His hands curled into fists at Ed's back. It was bad enough that Envy had decided rape was an appropriate punishment for simply being his enemy, but the fact that he had probed Ed's _insides _with a knife and used _Roy's body_ to take Ed's virginity away so roughly was sickening enough that Roy felt like he might throw up. His eyes felt wet and he realized he was shaking and that tears were falling down his cheeks and dampening his pillow. He didn't cry often— he could only remember twice; during the Ishval Civil War and at Maes' funeral. But he couldn't help it. Something like this— it was too awful to do anything _but_.

"Why are you crying?" Ed asked him softly, using his metal thumb to wipe away a tear. Roy couldn't answer. He was still trying to wrap his head around this. He didn't want to. He didn't want this to be real.

"Ed…" he finally managed to whisper through the painful lump in his throat. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

"There's nothing you could have done. Don't beat yourself up."

"I know, it's just—fuck." Roy shut his eyes, forcing himself not to stand up and go hunt that little fucker Envy down and _fry_ him until there weren't even any ashes left. He didn't like to kill. Really, he preferred not to. Never before had he felt such homicidal desire, besides maybe when Hughes was murdered. He didn't know who'd done that, though, but when he did, he'd be sure they got the same treatment he wished to inflict on Envy.

"He used _me._ How— goddamnit, how the _fuck_ am I supposed to accept that? How am I supposed to accept _any_ of this, damn it, I can't—" He quickly shut himself up when he saw Ed's concerned look take on an almost pained tinge, suddenly remembering that he was the adult here and had to stay calm so that he could help Ed. Why was it so hard, damn it? Normally he had no problems controlling his emotions and keeping it all hidden under his cold, smirking mask. But now, all he wanted to do was fucking _kill Envy._

When he was calmed down enough, he sat up and said, "Edward, I need to bring you to the hospital. Now."

"What?" Ed demanded, sitting up quickly and then flinching and crumbling back down. Roy hurriedly helped him into a better position and Ed leaned into him and breathed, "Don't make me go there."

"Ed, he put a knife _inside you_. You could be bleeding internally right now, and who knows what—" Then he saw the look in Ed's eyes and had to take a deep breath to calm down again. "Listen. You need to see a doctor. I don't know how— how much he cut you, but if he _did_ cut you bad enough, you need to see a doctor."

"Don't you dare fucking bring me there or I'll never talk to you again," Ed said angrily, glaring at him through his messy bangs and wet eyes. "I'm _fine._ It just hurts."

"_Edward—_"

"It's not like I'm going to die if I don't go to the hospital."

"But—"

"Listen. I'm not bleeding anymore. If anything he just… scraped me a bit." Ed looked slightly ill and pale. "I checked when I was in the shower and it's… I'm not bleeding. It just still hurts. You know like when you get a paper cut and it stops bleeding but hurts as if someone had taken a machete to your finger? It's like that."

"I think it's a bit different than a paper cut, Ed…" Roy's eyes softened when he saw the desperation in Ed's gold eyes. "You really don't want to go, do you?"

"I just don't want to explain what happened," Ed muttered, looking a bit ashamed. "I don't want a bunch of strangers to know, because I don't want their fucking pity. The only reason I told you is because I… I trust you, and I know you won't treat me all different because of something like pity. I mean, yeah, you can… be sad, whatever, but empathy isn't the same as pity." He stared down at his lap uncomfortably, seeming to struggle for words. "If I go to the hospital and tell them— what happened, then they'll treat me different. You don't do that."

Roy sighed. "Well… okay. I suppose I understand. But if you start bleeding, I swear, you had better tell me and I am bringing you to the hospital. You can make up an excuse if you want, but I won't let you get hurt any more."

Ed almost smiled, but instead he covered it up with a scowl and a muttered, "Fine."

It fell silent again, and Roy's mind began drifting once more. He still didn't want to believe it. He really wanted to think that Ed had made this all up, but knew that Ed wasn't that type of person, and plus, the pain had been evident enough in his voice and expressions when he'd been recounting what had happened. That unpleasant lump in his throat reappeared as he looked down at Ed's face. The blond was staring forward, eyebrows furrowed like he was deep in thought and that his thoughts weren't pleasant ones. Roy's heart ached. Ed was so beautiful, and looking past his foul language, bad attitude and nation-wide famous temper, probably one of the best people out there. How could something so awful happen to him? That wasn't equivalent exchange at all, now was it?

He shut his eyes again, letting his head fall into his hands. He felt so irrationally guilty. Like he could have done something, even though he knew he hadn't had the faintest clue at the time… and mostly, that Envy had used his face and voice. He didn't think that he'd be able to look at himself ever again without feeling sick or see Ed without feeling like it was all somehow his fault.

Seriously, how low could Envy _get?_ There was scum and trash and all that and this was still _layers_ beneath that level of appalling. Guilt burned in his chest and he sat there trying desperately to block the image of Ed— who was all that was good and golden, who didn't deserve this, who he _loved_, damn it— being raped by his body. He didn't mean to, but he let out a dry sob of disgusted irrational guilt and grit his teeth together.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Ed giving him a sort of half-smile. "Don't cry, okay? You couldn't have done anything, even if you were there. Envy mentioned you. He would have hurt you too."

Fuck. Ed was so _selfless._ Shutting his eyes again, he clenched his jaw. He felt Ed slide his arms around his back and held the blond close, burying his face in Ed's hair. "I'm sorry," he muttered again, fingers curling into fists.

"Like I said. It's not your fault. In fact, it's completely the opposite of your fault. You're probably the only reason I'm not a mess right now…" Ed sighed. "Plus, I've had worse. It's not like I'm a stranger to pain, Mustang…"

"I know." Roy couldn't make himself let go of Ed and just held him tighter, like he could force all of Ed's pain into himself and carry it for him. Ed didn't seem to mind and sighed softly into his neck. "I just… why did he use me? That's so low, it's not even low, it's downright fucking _horrible—"_

"I guess he just figured out how I feel towards you," Ed said quietly. "Love… um…" His face felt warm in Roy's neck, and Roy smiled a bit. "It can be… a pretty powerful tool to use to your advantage."

Roy really, really wanted to throw up. "That's worse. Because of that. He— I mean, he might as well have set fire to whatever we might have had because I don't think I'll ever be able to touch you without being terrified that you're scared of me. I can't do that to you."

"I'm not scared of you," Ed murmured, making fists in the back of Roy's shirt. "I know it wasn't really you that did it. You would never do something like that, because you're not that type of person. That's not you. This." Ed tightened his arms around his back. "_This_ is you."

Some sort of tension left Roy's shoulders. He was still upset— of course he was— but the fact that Ed wasn't scared or nervous around him made it a little bit better. Just a little.

"That's not what's bothering me." Ed seemed to struggle for words, then slowly went on, "I can't bring myself to accept that I gave in, that I broke and just asked for it because I couldn't _stand it_ anymore and he wouldn't _stop_—" His breath hitched as he quickly stopped himself, and after swallowing, he weakly said, "You say I'm not weak, but I am. I'm pathetic. I broke, Roy, and that's going to be with me forever, I should have _fought_ harder—"

"I thought I said to stop putting yourself down," Roy said quietly but sternly, cupping Ed's cheek in his palm and pressing their foreheads together. He tried not to let how angry he was show— he swore on everything he held precious that he was going to make Envy pay one day. How dare he make Ed think so little of himself?

Ed looked at him with watery eyes, his cheeks wet and flushed from crying. "People don't break because they're weak, Edward. They break because they've been strong for too long." He tried to smile reassuringly, but was sure it looked half-assed. Ed seemed to get the message, though, and his lips twitched up a bit, his eyes warming ever so slightly and the look of sadness fading a little bit.

He buried his face into Roy's shoulder again and whispered, "I love you."

Roy felt a warm sort of flutter in his stomach and this time, he really did smile. "I love you too."

"You really do?"

Roy chuckled at the childish, shy tone that was so unlike Ed yet somehow so cute. "Yeah."

"Heh." Ed's smile was warm against his neck. "Well. Good."

It fell quiet for a moment, both of them sitting there in a comfortable silence, when Ed cleared his throat. "You're shaking," he said quietly. "Is there still something bothering you?"

Roy realized Ed was right— even as he sat there with Ed in his arms and feeling the warmest he had all night, he was trembling. He wasn't sure why. He just… well, this whole situation still really bugged him. He didn't really blame himself, though. It was traumatizing for Ed, he knew, and he could almost feel Ed's pain. He supposed it would take a little while for them both to get over it.

"I'm just pissed," Roy said with a sigh. "Don't worry about it."

"At me?"

Ed looked so terribly timid. Roy smiled and shook his head. "Of course not."

"At Envy." It was more of a statement than a question.

Roy's smile turned into a cold frown. "Yeah."

Ed looked at him with wide eyes. "Well… what are you gonna do?"

"What do you mean?"

Ed raised an eyebrow. "I know you. When you're mad, you aren't the type to sit there silently and do nothing about it. When you're mad, you fuck shit up. What are you gonna do? Depending what it is, I'd really like to get in on it." There was a slightly sadistic glint in his eyes.

Roy couldn't help but grin at Ed's blunt statement. "Well, I was thinking that a second charred Homunculus sounds great. It could become a series."

"Pyro freak." But Ed was grinning a bit too. "I'm in."

They both laughed then, feeling a sort of lightheartedness for the first time that night. After a few moments, it faded into a comfortable silence, Ed smiling faintly and leaning into Roy's shoulder as the colonel leaned back against the headboard, a long sigh leaving his lips. He was slightly surprised Ed was acting so… attached, considering how he usually acted like he had a literal bubble and it would be a bad idea to cross that bubble. Considering the situation, though, he supposed that it made sense that Ed just wanted a comforting touch. Secretly, Roy didn't mind at all, and hid a smile in Ed's hair when the blond snuggled closer.

He was so happy that Ed had finally calmed down enough to realize the truth of the matter— that it wasn't his fault, Roy wasn't disgusted, and Ed was not _weak_. He glanced down at Ed and was pleased to see barely any traces of stress now. Ed looked a lot more serene and peaceful than he had in a long time. Roy was used to seeing some form of pain hidden behind gold bangs and forced grins, but right now, all he could see was a calm sort of happiness.

"You're staring."

He was torn out of watching Ed when he realized that Ed's gold eyes were grinning right back at him. A light pink dusted his cheeks and he looked away. "Well, sorry," he said in a voice that might have been considered pouty if he wasn't Roy Mustang. "It's not every day that you get to see Edward Elric _not_ looking like a bratty kid with an attitude problem."

"Oh shut up, you bastard! I don't have an attitude problem, you just need to take the stick outta your ass."

"Ah. There he is."

"Really? We're really gonna keep bickering like this even though we're together now?" Ed paused, then added, "We _are_ together now, right?" He sort of looked like he would punch Roy if he disagreed. Not that he would.

"Of course we are," Roy said like it was perfectly obvious and Ed was an idiot for doubting it. "As if I'd have it any other way after what just happened, Ed. And yes, we're going to keep bickering. Honestly. Why would you think otherwise?"

Ed snorted. "Guess you have a point. But you really mean it?" He looked hopeful. "Even with the age difference? And that it's illegal? And that I'm not a girl? And that I'm your subordinate? And that—"

"I don't know why it's so hard to understand. I clearly have some major issues for falling for someone younger than me, but I'm a hydrophobic pyromaniac with a God complex. According to Havoc anyway. I think if we add another thing to the list of things wrong with me that it won't really make a difference. Plus, I don't really give a damn. And you're stupid if you think I care that you're not a girl. Really, Ed." Roy raised an eyebrow and pointed at Ed, "You," then he pointed at himself, "and I," he made the shape of a heart with his arms, "are together now." He did this all very calmly, as if it wasn't slightly degrading to his manliness, and finished with a cool, "Is that understood, Fullmetal?"

Ed rolled his eyes, snickering. "Oh, my God. You're cool." But he grinned. "Alright, I understand, Colonel." Then he burst into laughter because Roy still had his arms in a heart shape. "You're such a _loser_! I didn't know Roy Mustang had a stupid side."

"That's because you're familiar with my military attitude. I'm really not that much of a dick outside of work."

"Yes you are, don't try that shit."

"I am _not_!" Roy said indignantly. "I'll have you know that I'm a nice guy! I feed stray cats and stuff! And plus, I can cook. Any man who can cook is obviously a great person."

"You can cook?" Ed grinned. "_You_? You know, burning things until they are black and taste like shit doesn't really count."

"Shut up! I'll make you breakfast one day and you'll eat your words." Then he smirked and added, "And you'll eat the breakfast too, and like it."

"I'm not a big fan of food that isn't even food anymore."

"You don't believe me?"

Ed smirked. "No. I don't."

"Fine. Here's the deal, then." Roy lifted Ed off of him and lay him down on the bed, grinning down at him. "Right now, you— actually, we— can get some sleep, and when we wake up tomorrow, I'll make you breakfast." He pulled the blankets up to Ed's chin, tucking him in like he was a little kid. Ed pouted at him, but his eyes were sparkling with amusement. "I know you're exhausted, so don't give me that face," Roy said, frowning. "Neither of us have gotten any sleep in far too long."

Ed was still pouting. "What about that distraction you promised me?"

"Oh, that. Well, it'll have to wait." When Ed's pout took on a bit more of a glare look, Roy sighed. "What exactly are you expecting for a distraction, huh?"

"Um." Ed suddenly turned bright red. "Nothing— like _that_, damn it, you pervert!"

"I never implied anything, Ed, I was just asking…"

"Tch! You… you totally implied things." Ed was pouting again, his face all red. "Well. I kinda, I don't know… I wanted… things. Not _those_ things. Other things."

"Oh, thanks for clearing that up, I was really confused."

Ed rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. "It's just… I don't know. I just wanted… to not think for a while."

Roy let out another long sigh. He was too tired for this crap. "What you need right now is sleep. I know I promised you a distraction, but it can wait— Frankly, I'm too tired to do anything for you anyways." He then felt like a selfish idiot and added, "It's not that I don't care, Ed, it's just that too much has happened tonight and we could both use a good night's rest. And for you, maybe an ibuprofen." He stood up. "I'll go grab one and come back. You'll feel better in the morning and we can discuss what to do about this then. Okay?"

Ed frowned a bit more, but seemed to realize he was right. "Okay," he sighed, rolling onto his side. "You're right." He peeked at Roy from behind the covers pulled up past his nose. "You'll come back?"

"I said I would. I'll grab you a glass of water, too, if you want."

"Um… do you have orange juice?"

Roy looked at him oddly. "I might."

Ed's eyes smiled at him. "Can I have that instead?"

"Sure, if I have it. Is there anything else?"

Ed shook his head, and so Roy nodded, turning the doorknob. He was about to leave the room to go and grab the requested orange juice and ibuprofen when he heard Ed say his name. He looked back.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I know I said it before, but… really. I don't know what I would have done if you reacted differently, or if you rejected me or hated me… and I just wanted to say thanks. For being there. And making me realize that it… it's okay."

Roy's heart felt funny, like it might stop beating any time soon. Seeing Ed smiling so softly and sincerely, seeing his gold hair messily sprawled over the dark pillowcase, seeing the most painless, soft look he'd ever seen in Ed's eyes, that flame blazing bright… He fell just a bit harder, but it was enough to make him feel dizzy and hopeless and warm. He was nearly overwhelmed with the urge to hold Ed in his arms and never let him go. Instead, he turned to hide another smile.

"And I've said this before: Don't worry about it." Then he threw a smirk back. "It's the least I can do for my wife, right?"

Ed looked perplexed for a moment. "Wife?" Then realization dawned on him and he demanded, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, one of us has to be the wife."

"You bastard! You be the fucking lady!"

"Language, Ed, or I might have to reconsider the orange juice."

"Oh hell no!"

Roy just smirked at him and left the room, grinning wider when he heard Ed screech at him from the bed that he had better not fucking forgo that damn orange juice, and thought that everything would be alright.

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Mustang, you so silly. Don't you know that Envy is the one who killed Hughes, too? Ohh, Roy's gonna fuck shit up majorly. I can't wait. (Seriously, this is another reason I chose Envy— Roy's already got so much reason to hate him in canon, and now he's going to have even more.)**

**Anyhooooo, fluffy filler chapter was fluffy. Hopefully. :3 This fic is probably gonna end up being a lot longer than I planned (really I only planned roughly four) and I wanted to let you guys know that I started a new semester and I'm really struggling with two classes— Chemistry and English. :/ Updates will probably be further apart because I have to really devote myself to studying right now. I'm sorry D: I'll write as often as I can and get the chapters as fast as possible for you guys!**

**:)**


	6. Chapter 6

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Guys I changed the plot a bit... If you read the A/N every chapter then you've probably read the one little note that kept being repeated. So yeah. Everything's on track now, I think. In case you haven't read it, here's the note:**

*******2013/02/18 Changes have been made to each chapter because I messed up on what time I wanted to have this fic set in. Nothing big has changed, just some minor details, such as Lust is now dead. I really needed her dead and for the fic to be further along in the original plot because otherwise I would have had way too many filler chapters. It is now set around the time after the Fifth Laboratory, just before the part where Ling fights the Fuhrer and finds out he is Wrath.**

**xxXXxxXXxx**

At first, Roy thought that the incessant blaring screech was a part of his slightly messed-up and somehow shudder-inducing dream. He didn't really understand how such a sound could relate to the semi-nightmarish dream he was having: It was of an unconscious Ed lying beneath a naked tree, tangled amongst twisted roots and black wood. The image was non-moving except for the rain pattering down, but there was a sort of tension about it, and every time Roy turned around in his dream to try and catch the eyes he could feel on his back, he was met with nothing but air and the ghost of a snicker. The blaring sound really didn't fit into the scenario at all. But then again, who really understood dreams anyway?

_Roy—_

As he was slowly and reluctantly tugged out of sleep, he vaguely felt his shoulder being shaken and a distorted voice saying his name. It was like he was underwater. It sounded like Ed. Roy's head hurt.

Then—

"Damn it, bastard, wake the fuck up!"

Groaning, Roy came into consciousness and opened his eyes. He became acutely aware of the alarm clock blaring on his night table and of the small, mismatched fists beating (rather ineffectively) at his chest. His hand shot out to slam the alarm clock, using the blissful silence to try and comprehend what was going on and why there was a person in his bed. A person beating him. An Edward Elric beating him.

And then the whole situation came back to him at once and hit him like a ton of bricks, leaving him feeling even more exhausted. He blearily sat up, running a hand through his messy black bed-hair.

"Sheesh, finally," that familiar voice was muttering. "I thought you died in your sleep, geezer."

Roy let out a sleep-husked groan and chose to ignore the snarky comment on his age, which, he thought indignantly, wasn't that old anyway. Twenty-nine was a beautiful number.

"Why the fuck are we awake so early?" he muttered in complaint, his voice rough from just waking up. his eyes flicked to the clock. Eleven o'clock in the morning. Barely four hours of sleep after the night they'd just had made him feel rather drained. He didn't even have the energy to make a sarcastic remark back to Ed as payback for the jab at his age.

"Don't ask me," Ed grumbled back, turning to his other side and pulling the blankets up to his chin. Most of them slipped off of Roy, but Roy couldn't find it in him to care. "Your fuckin' alarm went off. I'm going back to sleep."

Roy sat there for another moment, trying to understand why he'd set an alarm. His brain really didn't like to work in the mornings, something he really hated. Then it occurred to him. "Damn it," he groaned, head falling into his hands. Ed looked back and peered at him over the blankets, his gold eyes more lively looking than yesterday despite the dark rings underneath them. That made Roy feel a bit better, but he was still convinced his life wanted to kick him in the balls today.

"What?" Ed asked.

"I have work. At one." Roy sighed and flopped back down onto the pillow, running his hands down his face. "I'm too fucking tired for this shit…"

Ed sat up, gold hair falling around him like a curtain. It seemed that sometime during their short sleep, it had fallen out of its braid and now tumbled down his back and scarred shoulders in messy waves. "Do you have to go?" he asked in a voice that Roy might have considered pouty if anyone other than Ed was using it. Instead, he just sounded sort of disappointed.

"Yeah," Roy muttered with a grimace. He pressed his palms into his eyes in a fruitless effort to make his pounding migraine diminish. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Ed said in an uncharacteristically understanding way. "But you might wanna get ready if you plan on shaving and being there on time." He hesitantly reached out to brush his flesh fingers along Roy's jaw, smiling a bit when the older shuddered. "Maybe you shouldn't shave, actually. The whole stubble look is a good one for you."

Roy chuckled. "Thanks." He looked at Ed then, guiltily taking in the paler-than-usual complexion, dark ringed eyes and generally exhausted state Ed was in. Despite how he knew it wasn't his fault, he still had a nagging sense of guilt that he could have somehow done something to help. Or something. He wished he knew a type of alchemy that could erase people's memories so Ed didn't have to remember it. His heart ached. He knew that Ed was strong and meant everything he'd said about that earlier, but he didn't want to leave the boy alone right now, not after what had happened. Ed seemed to be doing okay right now; Roy didn't want to leave him alone with his thoughts. If Alphonse was in town, he wouldn't feel so bad, but seeing as how Ed was alone…

What Roy did want to do was lie there all day, maybe go back to sleep or make Ed some breakfast. Maybe it was cheesy or sappy, but he didn't care, damn it. If that was what it took, he'd be the most cheesy and sappy guy in the world. He just wanted to help Ed forget.

Not to go work.

Plus, he was too emotionally and physically exhausted to sit there for hours on end and do paperwork. He'd fall asleep and drool all over the documents, and he didn't particularly fancy the idea of Hawkeye waking him up with her gun to his temple. He wasn't even sure if coffee would help him stay up.

He didn't want to baby Ed, of course not. Ed wouldn't allow himself to be coddled anyway. But he didn't want to leave Ed alone. So he decided.

"Fuck it," he said. "I'm calling in sick."

Ed's lips twitched up at the sides. "Are you that lazy?"

Well. That was _part_ of the reason… "That, and I think it would be best if you weren't alone right now." When Ed frowned and looked like he was about to make an indignant comment, Roy sighed and added, "For my peace of mind, please, just let me keep you company. I know you can handle being alone, Ed, but I don't think _I _can handle _leaving_ you alone."

Ed looked like he might smile, his eyes warming to a rich honey. He shrugged, laying back down and pulling the blankets up to cover his face and what Roy suspected was a light flush. "Have it your way," Ed murmured. "Just don't bitch at me when Hawkeye murders you tomorrow."

"I think I'm used to it by now," Roy responded in a fond sort of way. He got out of bed and stretched, wincing at how tense his back and shoulders were. Stress was definitely not good for someone of his age. Ed looked at him reproachfully.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To call in. Also, I thought I'd call Alphonse and let him know where you are. He's in Risembool, right?"

"Yeah. He's coming back soon though, he's just visiting Winry."

"Well, I'm sure he's worried. You haven't called him."

"Are you going to tell him?" Ed asked quietly Roy gave him a grim look.

"No, I promised that I wouldn't. But I don't want to lie to him, either. Maybe you should talk to him."

"I just want to go back to sleep right now," Ed muttered, burying his face in the pillow. His voice was muffled as he continued, "Just tell Al I got hurt and I came here 'cause it was closest. I'll tell him the truth eventually, just… not now."

Roy understood. "Alright, then. Is there anything you want me to grab while I'm downstairs?" he asked as he started walking towards the door.

"Orange juice?" Ed's voice had a hopeful lilt to it. Roy couldn't help but chuckle, opening the door.

"Orange juice it is. I'll be back in a bit."

"'Kay," Ed responded softly, sounding drowsy. His eyes fluttered shut and he was already asleep by the time Roy shut the bedroom door behind him.

**xxXXxxXXxx**

As soon as Roy heard the telltale click of the phone being picked up on the other end, he was bombarded with shrill, panicked questions that made his tired head hurt.

"Ed? Brother? Is that you, please, tell me it's—"

"Alphonse," Roy cut in, rubbing circles on his temples and sliding onto one of the high stools in front of his counter. "It's Mustang."

Al quieted down a bit and apologized, sounding crestfallen. "Oh. Sorry. Have you heard from Ed? He was supposed to call me last night when he got back to the hotel, but he didn't, and I know he was thinking of checking out this shady place he heard rumours about and I'm so worried something happened to him— do you know where he is? I've been trying to catch a train back to Central but they were down because of the storm and I'm _freaking out_ because it's not like Ed not to phone like this, and I don't know what happened-"

"Al," Roy interrupted again, finally able to get a word in through Al's rambling. "Ed is fine. You don't have to worry about him. He's been at my house for most of the night."

"Oh! Thank goodness!" Al sounded like he might cry in relief, even though he couldn't. "Is he there now? Can I talk to him? Why isn't he at the hotel?"

"Yes, he is, no you can't because he's still asleep, and he's here because he… couldn't make it back to the hotel last night."

"What happened?" Al's voice was so concerned that another twinge of guilt happened in Roy's chest. He really didn't want to lie, and chewed on his lip for a moment before answering.

"He got hurt. He got into a fight with a Homunculus and ended up at my house because it was the closest and he was having trouble walking, not to mention it was pouring rain. I let him use my shower and threw his clothes in the dryer, and he's been sleeping since." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete truth either. "He was in pretty bad shape, but don't worry about it. He's doing better now."

"Is anything broken? Did you take him to the hospital?"

Roy couldn't help but chuckle. Alphonse was like a worried mother. "No, Alphonse, don't worry. He's okay, and he was too stubborn to go to the hospital anyhow. Not that he needed to," he added hastily when he heard Al's soft gasp. "Look, just make your way back to Central when you can and I'm sure Ed can explain everything when you get here, if he's ready. Okay?"

"Alright. Thanks, colonel." Al sounded like he had something else to say, but he didn't say anything.

Roy cleared his throat. "Is there anything else?"

"It's just… is Ed okay? _Really_?"

Roy felt his shoulders slump and he let his head fall forward onto the counter with a dull 'thud'. He stayed like that for a long moment, the cool surface feeling nice on his headache, and then softly said, "Truthfully, I'm not sure. He's not hurt too bad physically and he seems to be doing good and even got mad at me when I called him mall— but it's hard to tell what he's thinking. I think… he's going to be a bit… different, for a little while." He didn't know how to explain it without telling Al what happened, so he left it at that.

"Okay," Al said, his voice shaking a bit. "I'm sorry, it's just— I'm so scared, I hate being away from him, especially with the Homunculi going around, and I know he can take care of himself… I'm just worried. I know there's not much I can do right now, but if you can promise me he's not hurt in any life-threatening way then I'm good with that for now."

"I promise," Roy said solemnly. "I wouldn't let him die, anyway."

"Thank-you. You know, I know Ed doesn't show it a lot, but he's really thankful for everything you do. I am too. Just… thank you."

Roy smiled, even though he knew Al couldn't see it. "You're welcome."

"Well, I'll go now. Can you get Ed to call Winry's house when he wakes up, if he's feeling up to it?"

"Of course. See you later."

Sighing again, he hung up the phone, turning his head on the counter to look out the kitchen window. It was still pouring rain and it looked miserable outside, the sun's rays trying in vain to struggle past the dark clouds, but at least the thunder had died down and it was quiet now. Roy had planned to go back to bed, but didn't think he'd be able to sleep now. After talking to Hawkeye (who had somehow managed to sound condescending and scolding and concerned at the same time) and listening to Al nearly break down in worry about Ed, his already stressed-out mind was even more awake.

He sat there for a long while, listening to the rain fall and the occasional muffled shuffle when Ed would turn over in his bed, trying not to think. It didn't work very well— he'd always had a rather poor grasp on his mind's wandering— and his thoughts ended up whirling and whirling until they were rendered vague by his own lack of words to express them.

As if things couldn't get worse, something occurred to him. It had been tickling at the back of his head, a concern less important than Ed's comfort, ever since he'd heard Ed's story. With everything that had happened, he hadn't taken the time to really think about it, but it hit him so suddenly now that he almost felt sick.

Ed had overheard that the Homunculi had a plan to use Xenotime as a new Philosopher's stone.

_Fuck._

He was going to go prematurely gray if all of this kept up.

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Short chapter, I know. Sorry. Also a cliffhanger. I'm a jerk! *has emotional breakdown***

**Well, now the plot is getting a bit more in depth and such and I'm going to have to take more time to write the chapters. Hopefully you guys can all stay patient with me! ^_^**

*****ALSOOO! I've decided that the 100th reviewer gets a giftfic, if they want. Preferably nothing with smut because I'm having a hard time writing it lately and it would take me like half a year to write. So yeah. Review, review~!**


	7. Author's note and not a chapter, poop

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Alright, so I know we aren't supposed to upload author's notes as chapters, but eh. Sorry if anyone thinks that this is the next chapter. It's not. Actually— I need to clear some things up. I think that I got so excited to write this fic that I didn't think the plot through, and now I'm completely lost and I can't write the rest for the life of me. Trust me, I've been trying. I have literally looked at the half-finished document of the next chapter for every night for the past FOREVER.**

**So basically, I'm going to rewrite this fic, but with a plot that I can actually follow. Ugh, I know, I'm a pain in the ass. Sorry. **

**I'm gonna leave what I have already up but change up the plot a little bit. Once I'm done all that stuff, I'll make a new fic and call it something like Flame: Rewrite but way more creative and awesome and me-ish. If you're interested in reading that, since this one isn't going anywhere, just follow me and you'll get notified and shiz when it's up. **

**I'm sorry guys. I should have thought this out more before posting it. I hope you all can forgive me for being such a doorknob.**


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